Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
