Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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