I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
