I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
