I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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