If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
