I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize