guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
