Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize