this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
