the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
