drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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