I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize