Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
