my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
