did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
