that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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