if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
