About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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