Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
