so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
