Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
