Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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