No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize