I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
