Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
