she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
