Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
love makes seman taste better
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
