Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
