Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
