What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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