next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
