Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
