guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
