wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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