Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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