you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
