She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
