She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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