Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They have beer where we have blood.
I supernannyed him into submission
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
