Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
