i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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