If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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