Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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