I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
