i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
