i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
