There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
