We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found your dick twin last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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