one might say we're banned from that church
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
