Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
