Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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