Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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