Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
