I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
