if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
