You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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