i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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