There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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