i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She needs sedatives and a leash
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
