dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
