How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
