i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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